the condom got lost in my hair
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sober January is a disaster.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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