I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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