I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
