I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he thought i was a dude.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
