Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
