do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
