I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
