So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
