I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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