worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
