I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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