I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
