Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
