Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
