it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
