I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
