Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
