If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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