have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
