I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
