from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
