seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize