new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize