It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
