craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
