Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
