that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
