i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
