trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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