my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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