i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
