no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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