My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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