i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
