There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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