Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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