Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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