well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did I show you my penis last night?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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