ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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