I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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