FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
