I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
