He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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