watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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