Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
