Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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