what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
