see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
