I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
