She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
