yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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