using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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