we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So many bounce houses so little time
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
