based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
