I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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