im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
