she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
