just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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