It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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