actually, I'm a sock model
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
