You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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