You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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