I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
