Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
