So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you never un-have a 4some
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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