Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
