Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
