oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
