i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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