Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize