Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
