Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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