you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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