Where are you?
In a non slutty way
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
