she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is Oprah even human
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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