I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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