I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
