my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
