Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
