Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
