I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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