Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
