I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
