ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
