bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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